that in early history Neanderthals and Homo sapiens did intermingle. That means
that a certain percentage of our DNA stems from the Neanderthals.
I have a copy of the scientific report here as edited by the Robert Burns Literature Department
of the University of Edinburgh. I would like to share it with you.
It was a hot and fateful day
in the year 45 thousand B.C., in May.
When a young Neanderthal went, I guess,
hunting for a giant wholly Haggis.
Let’s call this handsome lad Neander.
He was quite surprised when he saw her.
She was a young Homo sapien lassie,
who we will call Sapie.
She emerged from a refreshing swim in a woodland lake.
Her skin was brown and her hair was curly black.
When she saw him there in the sunny light,
it was mutual love at first sight.
“Oh, you people do exist,” Sapie cried out,
“There is so much of you I’ve heard about.”
“We moved into the neighbourhood last year;
settled along the river downstream from here.”
To that Neander said, “Oh Oh!”
“They say you people live in caves.
Is it warm and cuddly on cold winter nights and days?”
To which Neander replied with “A-Huh.”
“The fur you wear is kind of raggy,
but your hair is fair and shaggy.”
All Neander said was, “Heh heh.”
“I love your heavy eyebrows,” Sapie said.
“Makes you look like a thinker, using your head.”
Neander exclaimed, “Duh.”
As Sapie stepped closer and put her hand on his arm,
she declared, “My, you are so muscular and warm.”
Neander said, “Hum hum.”
And Sapie added, “You are a hunter; stout and strong,
with your spear so pointed and long.”
Neander said, “Ooga ooga.”
“And I am good at hunting too.
With these long legs I run fast, I do,”
explained Sapie as she drew her hand up her thigh.
All Neander could do was sigh.
“These two will feed many babies; I’ll do my best,”
said Sapie as she lifted her ample breasts.
Which made Neander exclaim, “Hubba hubba.”
“I can see you’re man of little words.
I’ll do the speaking then for both of us,” Sapie put forward.
Neander’s mouth was open; didn’t know what to say.
“But before we become a couple, there’s something I’ve got to say.”
Sapie asked, “Can you dance the reel, jig and strathspey?”
Which Neander confirmed with, “One-two-three and two-two-three.”
Thus, we carry up to 3 percent Neanderthal in our DNA
and can do Scottish Dancing to this day.
So, Gentlemen: Raise your glasses!
Here’s to the lassies!
To the Lassies and their choice in men!
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